New Changes

James told me once in his email that change is always good because if you keep doing the same routine you're gonna go crazy. Its very true. I was reading some of my old post and wanted to update on my decision to serve a mission. As of last Christmas, I thought I was so sure about going on mission. I was preparing, saving money, and pretty much doing everything in my power to prepare myself to be the best missionary I can be. I started to feel guilty or something was just out of place and every time I thought about a mission or someone will bring up the topic it make me feel extremely uncomfortable like a mission wasn't meant for me and I felt so distraught and felt like I was letting everyone and myself down. I was mad because if God didn't wanted me to go on a mission why didn't he tell me the first time but after a lot of prayer, scripture studying, and going to the temple for guidance. I felt that I'm already serving my mission that is my life and I'm already preparing for the greatest mission of my lifetime. MOTHERHOOD and MARRIAGE. I still have the desire to serve but if Heavenly Father has a better plan for my well being. Who am I to argue? He knows me better than anyone else. I know the world sees motherhood and marriage as something you can put off. I beg to differ! Nothing can more joy into a person's life than a child's laughter or a tender kiss from the one you love. Sure money is great and having money but back is a great idea and I support it, but money can't bring you happiness. Being surrounded with ones that you love dearly is the greatest joy and security a person can experience. President Howard W. Hunter said "Motherhood is near to divinity . It is the Highest. Holiest service to be assumed by mankind." I've always love children and being around them brings me so much joy. Heavenly Father has given the greatest callings in my preparation. A year ago I was called to serve in the Activity Day's and this year the Primary Presidency assigned me to teach the sunbeams and the sunbeams and my activity day girls have taught me more than I have taught them. I know its clique but its so true! I feel like once I let go of serving a mission and giving it to God he has opened my heart to the idea of marriage and motherhood and I couldn't be more excited for spending lifetime and eternity with my children and with James! Its going to be amazing and I don't care what everyone else. Sure I'll be marriage towards the end of my freshman year of college, but its going to be okay because when a man and a woman are sealed in the temple they can face the greatest adversity together! As Elder Jeffery R. Holland said "Marriage is the most trusting step in any human relationship. It's a real act of faith. The very nature of the endeavor requires that hold on to each other as tightly as you can can and jump." I already trust James with my heart and life so just imagining our life together in marriage is going to be so bliss because with college I don't deal with stress very well at all. Sometimes I have panic attacks and I'm gonna need him to help me get through college emotionally at least but I know he'll be willing to help me in any way with love and care. New changes can scary and exciting but with God on your side they can bring so much joy you couldn't even imagine! 12 More Days!!!